Let Go of Your Masks to Connect Authentically – with Stacy Raske

Trauma survivors are everywhere around you. Some hide their stories in shame and guilt, and they cannot move forward from what’s happened in the past. At the other end of the spectrum are those who find empowerment and freedom in sharing the truth of their story. They become the strong voices who shed the shame and suffering to live in a new truth, using their story to help others climb out of the darkness. 

Stacy Raske is a bestselling author of Be a Boss & Fire that B*tch: Quiet Your Inner Critic & Finally Believe You’re GOOD ENOUGH. She’s a speaker who helps high – performing women lead with soul and scale their businesses with ease and authenticity. As an Iraqi War veteran recovering from trauma and self – doubt, Stacy has taken what she’s learned and distilled it down in a powerful toolkit that is simple and actionable. Stacy has helped hundreds of women ignite their souls and allow their light to shine by releasing stories and doubts that slow their success. In working with Stacy, they fully embrace their power and finally find the success they truly desire. In this episode, we talk about how trauma and recovering from trauma fuel success, along with disrupting the saboteur, breaking free of learned stories. We discuss how we all wear a mask vs. truly connecting with our authentic selves, and how to let go of those masks, integrate the badass, and take our careers and lives to the next level. 

Don’t reject your feminine energy

Your body wants to heal itself from trauma. Stacy explains how powerful it is to get in a relationship with your body to bring massive transformation. Feminine energy is expressed when we are in our bodies, and masculine energy is when we’re in our heads. We have to achieve balance and lead with our souls. Since women associate feminine energy with powerlessness and being victimized, we are wrongly programmed to reject feminine energy when we experience trauma. 

You need more soul

Being the Soulful Success Coach is at the core of what Stacy does in her work with alpha, high – achieving women. She teaches that having more strategy is not the answer, but having more soul allows a woman to get in touch with herself. A strategy that comes from chasing the external stuff will fall into place as you align yourself and bring yourself as whole to your business.

Trauma issues

For Stacy, her relationship with her husband has been the best teacher about trauma. She has realized how our subconscious operating system attracts partners who trigger our deepest issues in our relationship with our parents. Stacy’s husband has helped her through her issues with her father, and another gift in her relationship is that her husband is a perfect mirror reflection of herself. Unfortunately, people who grow up with trauma tend to be the worst aggressors, which is a safety mechanism. She explains that her safety default was to be the asshole who was verbally abusive to people before they could hurt her. As her body responded to her mindset, she encountered frustrating physical symptoms. Stacy knew that she had to focus on improving both her emotional and physical health.

Sensitivity is a superpower

As Stacy sought to self – medicate, she realized her desire to control everything was causing great internal chaos. She had no tools and techniques to handle what she was feeling. In contrast, now she teaches clients that their sensitivity can be their superpower if they only learn to transform their relationship with it. Part of going through trauma is receiving the tremendous gift of sensitivity.

Deciding to write a book

As her body suffered to the point that she couldn’t walk without a cane, Stacy threw in the towel and made a major reset. She lost 100 lbs. and got off all her medications. She transformed her health and allowed her entrepreneurial spirit to take over. She then had to face all the questions that come with limiting beliefs about her worth and her role. Stacy says that many women build their businesses backward because they show up in scarcity mode, only thinking about how they can make money. All of these experiences led Stacy to write her book as the universe divinely paved the path of her transformational journey. Stacy teamed up with a writing mentor to structure her book with a framework of safety, and the entire process took only five months from start to finish. 

Learning to let go

Stacy learned that people give their opinions and input about you based on their own story, programming, and paradigms. She had to get clear on boundaries as she stepped into the limelight and became a public figure. Her goals in writing her book were to share her truth in profound ways that she had never done before. The writing process turned out to be healing and cathartic for her, whether or not anyone else ever reads the book.

Sharing her story

Stacy values transparency in being able to share her story. She recognizes that her story is unique to her, but many others struggle with trauma and share similar experiences. For her not to step up and share her story would give too much power to the trauma. Her focus is on sharing her story and using it for good. In doing so, she gives voice to those who aren’t yet giving voice to their stories. Her openness helps those who are still caught in the toxic struggle and are hiding behind their masks, trapped by fear and rejection. 

Break the cycle

To overcome the trap of fear and rejection, we have to build a relationship with ourselves. Our businesses can’t be successful if we still have this internal conflict going on. We have to embrace our identity as whole, even the ugly, dark shadows. Then we can love, embrace, and feel all the emotions of who we are. We’ve mistakenly been taught that we have to prove our worth through suffering and struggle, but we can identify as whole, break the paradigm, and rewrite our story.

The Sass Evolution

A big focus for Stacy moving forward is to take the principles she has learned and use them to help people take their businesses to the next level. As the Biker Business Coach, Stacy knows that finding your inner rebel can be the integration piece. She’s busy creating tools to help people embrace their alpha female energy and leave good girl mode behind. 

Highlights of this episode:

  • 20:10 – Healing and transformation for trauma survivors
  • 27:11 – Becoming an author and a successful business strategist
  • 32:37 – Stretching and growing
  • 36:04 – The physical manifestation of the emotional burden
  • 38:58 – How Stacy’s book came to be
  • 44:25 – The structure of Stacy’s book
  • 46:22 – Learning to let go
  • 50:23 – Stacey’s quirkiness in sharing her story
  • 56:45 – Overcoming fear and rejection
  • 58:43 – The Sass Evolution
  • 1:01:12 – Fem Five

Resources mentioned:

The Fem Five: 

1. Favorite book to recommend for women?

  • “My book, Be a Boss & Fire that B*tch: Quiet Your Inner Critic & Finally Believe You’re GOOD ENOUGH.”

2. Favorite self-care hack?

  • Meditation first thing every morning.

3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?

  • “I’m not exactly sure who told me that the only thing limiting me is my mind.”

4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?

5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?

  • “It’s only as hard as you make it.”

Last Time on The NextFem Podcast

How to Be Great Partner and Co-Founder – with Julie Weber

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