The Naked Truth About the Holy Grail of Living – with Leslie Morgan

Writing memoirs that people want to read is not an easy endeavor. Today’s interview is with someone whose writings highlight the full range of experiences a woman can have, and it’s her writing that brings connection and satisfaction to her life. In return, her books truly have something for every woman, whether their journey includes domestic violence, infertility, infidelity, surrogacy, motherhood, marriage, or the dating scene after 50.

Leslie Morgan is an American feminist, advocate for women’s rights, and the author of four books: the NY best-selling memoir about relationship abuse, Crazy Love; an anthology called Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Family, which looks at infertility and surrogacy; and her latest, hilarious memoir, The Naked Truth: A Memoir, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50. With a BA in English from Harvard and an MBA from Wharton, Leslie also has her viral 2012 TED talk about domestic violence that has been viewed by over 5 million people. In this episode, Leslie shares how her divorce opened the floodgates of self – exploration and self – love and taught her to revel in her sexuality. She shares how she’s been able to pull herself out of depression and rediscover the magic of sexual and emotional connection, and the lasting gifts of reveling in your femininity in every way and at any age.

Stories of healing and thriving

You might wonder where authors get the ideas for their stories. Leslie says that her writing ideas come from emotions and people. Sometimes the story comes from hope or anger, and sometimes the story comes from interactions with friends, family, or even complete strangers. Emotion is both her greatest strength and greatest weakness, and it’s what has always gotten her through the hardest times life has thrown at her. Leslie shares a story of living in an abusive marriage in her 20’s and how she had to choose herself in a pivotal moment that could have taken her life.

The subject is always women

No matter what Leslie is writing about, the subject is always women. This focus stems from the fascination she had as a child with her mother and the choices she made and the challenges she faced. Leslie notices what women deal with and finds it fertile soil for stories. Her books cover the most interesting things she’s been through and the things women love to talk about, like relationships, parenting, work-life balance, and partners. Her work is all about women owning their space in the world and having the right to be who they are.

Living a loud life

Balancing work and life is always a challenge for women, and Leslie says this has gotten easier for her as she’s grown older. Aging as a woman helps you become confident and free, which is what she calls the good news about turning 50, but it’s a different story when you are fighting hard for your place in younger years. Being bold, audacious, and sassy has worked well for Leslie, and being honest with herself and others in writing her books have given her opportunities for authentic connection to others, which she calls “The Holy Grail of Living.”

Like birthing a baby into the world

Leslie is protective of her writing in the beginning, likening it to growing a baby that can’t be exposed to the world of criticism until it’s strong enough to “breathe on its own.” She waits until she knows she can handle the criticism and feedback before releasing the book. This lesson in waiting for feedback was one she learned the hard way when she wrote Crazy Love and did a workshop that brought out the therapeutic effect of writing memoirs. Writing in this manner is how Leslie explains life to herself and the world.

Trapped by motherhood

In Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families, Leslie invited career and stay-at-home moms to write about their choices, which came out of her own experience with warring feelings about motherhood. She felt trapped by motherhood and the balancing act of work and family and says, “Motherhood completely turned me upside down and inside out.” She wanted to explore the topic and figure out this taboo subject of how other moms really felt. Much of her writing explores these taboo subjects for women in open and dynamic ways. Leslie says she couldn’t have gotten through motherhood without this writing experience and this connection to other moms.

Understanding men better

Focusing on women tribes and deep dives into women’s issues affected Leslie’s relationship in her marriage and how she saw her own husband. She found that men are different from women in every way. Men simply don’t understand what it’s like to be a woman and the wars that go on in your spirit and life when you try to balance every aspect of life with the demands of motherhood. Leslie says another benefit of getting older is that men aren’t quite so baffling to her anymore.

A book about surrogacy?

Leslie’s book, The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Familyis not a memoir, but one that required lots of research and lots of time talking to other people. Leslie says, “Sex is fun, and babies are delectable, but all the things that go on between intercourse and birth are pure craziness.” The challenge in writing about surrogacy was to bring someone else’s story alive and display the fundamental experience of being a woman.

Differences in black and white women

Even though Leslie grew up in DC, a majority African-American city, she only knows the personal experience of being a white woman, so she wanted to explore the experiences of black women. She appeared on an NPR show called “Tell Me More” as the only white woman on a panel of black women. Leslie says the experience was completely eye-opening and completely embarrassing to be so clueless as a member of the majority race. She learned that the everyday experiences for these black moms were vastly different from hers.

The latest book

Leslie says The Naked Truth memoir was “fun to live and fun to write about.” She observed that the intensity of motherhood and marriage can cause us to lose ourselves. This is why her 20-year marriage ended, and her experience led her to write about the quest to find herself again, and she knew that therapy and yoga wouldn’t do the job. Ironically, she knew she needed men to help her. She calls the book her attempt to show that aging and sex go together beautifully. Leslie shares her hilarious approach to playing the dating game after 50, which mirrored what men over 50 stereotypically do, and why 5 (boyfriends) is the magic number.

Celebrate yourself

Think about the messages we as a society give to young girls and boys. We lead them to believe that their future happiness will be wrapped up in finding that one perfect person who completes them. Leslie says you have to be your own fairy godmother and find what you want and need. Celebrating yourself means finding what you want and not trying to find what you need in one person. It’s too much pressure on a relationship. This is the message we need to give young girls in our society.

The biggest challenge

Leslie is quick to say that her biggest challenge in dating after 50 was learning to ask a man out, which was something she had never, ever done before. One tip she gives for women is to always get the man’s name when you meet. She practiced her “asking out” skills by taking the lead in asking for every single date she had. Leslie shares about meeting men at the best place ever, the airport, and how she learned to pursue, to be aggressive, to deal with rejection, and to go after what she wanted.

Leslie’s message

The message of The Naked Truth: A Memoir is that it’s an inside job. As you grow older, you have to let go of physical perfection and realize that beauty really does come from within as you grow comfortable in your own skin. Do what it takes to feel good about yourself on the inside, and the outside will follow.

Highlights of this episode:

  • 6:57 – Coming up with big ideas
  • 13:30 – Balancing corporate work and a “live out loud” life
  • 18:40 – The therapeutic effect of sharing a story at the right time
  • 23:42 – The inspiration for Mommy Wars
  • 28:47 – How deep dives and women tribes affected Leslie’s relationship
  • 32:31 – Why she wrote a book on surrogacy
  • 36:04 – Different experiences facing black and white women
  • 38:35 – Her latest book, The Naked Truth
  • 43:28 – Finding the magic formula: 5 boyfriends
  • 50:22 – Be your own fairy godmother
  • 52:51 – The biggest challenge in reinventing herself
  • 59:35 – An inside job
  • 1:03:45 – Fem Five

Resources mentioned:

The Fem Five:

1. Favorite book to recommend for women?

  • The Naked Truth: A Memoir by Leslie Morgan

2. Favorite self-care hack?

  • “Daydreaming. It’s hard to make time for, but it’s very important to me.”

3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?

  • “My mother said that change is the only constant in life, so get used to it and embrace it.”

4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?

5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?

“Feel good about yourself.”

Last Time on The NextFem Podcast

Tech Startups: Getting Funding, Women of Color + Competing with the Big Boys – with Aparna Srinivasan


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