Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and you just felt good around them? Because we feel so good, we want to connect more deeply. There’s a reason for that! My guest today, Kare Anderson, is going to explain that phenomenon and why it is essential to a successful and happy life. Kare was an Emmy Award-winning writer for NBC and The Wall Street Journal, and her recent writing has appeared in Forbes, Huffington Post. Her book, Mutuality Matters summarizes the behavioral research-based strategies she uses to become more deeply connected to anyone around her, even if they seemingly have nothing in common. Kare’s work on strengthening relationships was the subject of her TedTalk, viewed over 2.2 Million times! Today, Kare is going to show us why learning behavioral cues and strengthening your interpersonal skills can unlock your success and your happiness. When we enact the actions we want to be emulated, we can set the tone up for success in our workplace, our homes, and our social circles.
Seek Out Common Ground
What is the hidden secret that makes Kare so successful at making and keeping friends? She seeks out unexpected sweet spots of shared interest. Finding that common ground can easily be the gateway towards productive conversation. Once you know the ways you can help one another, a deep mutualistic relationship is formed. Kare has used those simple principles to earn clients from just about any field. I know you are going to enjoy Kare’s story of how she found an unexpected friend and client in a professional basketball player. It exemplifies just how easy it is to execute the principles of Mutuality.
Cultivate Closeness
Once you have found common ground, it is important to strengthen and deepen those bonds. Kare has studied and experienced how small, specific praise for people when they have helped you. In this episode, Kare is going to show you all the strategies you can use to do just that! When you express praise for others, there is a phenomenal response of those around you. When you cultivate closeness, you deepen your connection to your friends, build up a foundation of safety and warmth, and exude the trustworthiness essential to successful interpersonal relationships. You might be beginning to see the enormous impacts that might make on your career and personal relationships. All of a sudden, you are more desirable to be around. Anyone would be thrilled to work with you!
Givers and Takers/ Multipliers and Diminishers
Kare has experienced personal interactions across the spectrum, and she has found that successful relationships require the attitude of a “Giver” and a “Multiplier.” On the other end of the spectrum, the “Takers” and “Diminishers” struggle to form deep relationships. Givers are willing to take the time to listen and get to know someone, even if their personal benefit is not immediately clear. Takers know what they want from you, and often sacrifice the relationship as a means to an end. I bet you have a guess as to which one Kare is! In a similar way, Multipliers seek out opportunities to multiply the positive gifts and skills that they see in another. They enable others to shine! Diminishers, as you might have guessed, are selfishly more concerned with their own outcomes, rather than the needs or desires of others. While these descriptions are generalizations, and we all fall on either end of the spectrum at different times in our lives, Kare encourages us to approach relationships as Givers and Multipliers as much as we can. She has seen the impact positivity and encouragement can make in her client’s lives. It can change yours too.
Good Friends Make Happy People
Kare is the NextFem because she is bold enough to be kind and generous. Does that kindness make her a doormat? It does not! Kare explains some of the boundaries that keep the Takers from taking too much. She encourages all women to know when it is time to exit or to get out when our time is being wasted. Unfortunately, not all relationships are positive ones. Luckily, you have the power to transform relationships by studying behavior! You will learn when to speak out in praise, and when to remain silent to listen. You can strengthen ties to those around you and create for yourself a life that is happy and fulfilling. Kare knows that successful women have a strong network of friends. It really is that simple! Take a moment to listen and learn a thing or two about being an amazing friend, and watch your life transform!
Episode Highlights:
• 2:00 Kare talks about her one secret to success.
• 4:20 Get a useful definition of mutuality, and why it is such a powerful tool for connection.
• 7:00 How to create more mutuality in your future endeavors.
• 10:15 Cultivating a connection is vital to survival. Learn how to make that happen.
• 14:00 Conflict can create opportunities for greatness.
• 16:30 Strengthen your connection skills by transforming the way we listen and view our friendships.
• 19:00 Make choices to pick out people and invest in them.
• 21:00 Practice your purpose.
• 24:40 Change the way you share your story. Kare shares how she did just that!
• 28:30 Learn how to be a multiplier.
• 34:20 Ask someone to elaborate, and open the door to more.
• 40:00 How to differentiate between anxiety, worry, and fear.
• 42:30 Learn how to get more quotable!
• 45:00 Kare’s tips for finding the right partners in your success.
Resources:
Kare’s Blogs, TedTalk, and Online Home
Mutuality Matters by Kare Anderson
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book for women?
The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath
2. Favorite self-care hack?
I plan a reward for myself after I have to do something arduous or boring.
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
“Focusing on the upside of an opportunity, and if you can’t find it, keep focusing.” This was from my college professor, Don Elgie.
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
I admire Janine Warner, a bilingual journalist and founder of SembraMedia.
5. One piece of advice you’d give your 5 years younger self?
Do 10-15 minutes of exercise every day after rising.
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Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
- Sharpen Your Professional Skills While Taking Time Off for Family: A Conversation with Gayle Rigione
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