Who do you call if you need help in the middle of the night? As important as networks are in the business world, your circle of friends is infinitely more valuable! We need to nurture these relationships with human connection and generosity of spirit, and not fall into the trap of automating these connections through technological and social media advances. If you need help in this area of networking and managing your connections, this is the show you cannot afford to miss!
Susan RoAne is the author of the classic bestseller, How to Work a Room, which has over 1.2 million copies sold in 13 countries. She was named by Forbes as one of the networking gurus of 2015. Susan is an in-demand speaker who has delivered over 1000 keynotes, sharing her message of genuine connection and communication with audiences worldwide. She’s been featured in the NY Times, the Guardian, CNN, BBC, the Chicago Tribune, and the Wall Street Journal, among other well-known publications. Her clients include Coca-Cola, the US Air Force, Yale University, Apple, Intel, Stanford, and her personal favorite, Hershey’s Chocolate.
In this episode, Susan and I chat about how kindness IS the secret sauce to being someone others want to connect with, and how a little technology is good, but you don’t want to outsource your relationships. We’ll also get her tips on networking as a shy or introverted person. Going against the flow, Susan teaches about the importance of moving relationships from the virtual world into real-life.
Susan’s Path to Writing
How do you write a book that’s a bestseller for over 25 years? Susan RoAne began writing columns and then attended a writing workshop, where someone suggested that she turn her column into a book. We all need people in our lives who push us because they see what we don’t see in ourselves. Susan shares how she manages the long and arduous writing process because the end result is SO worth it! She concentrates on one book at a time, coddling and caring for it like one would care for a child. When it’s time for “the child” to be off to kindergarten, then she starts thinking and planning the next book.
How do you know what to write about?
Susan writes about the things she knows and the things she does. She does her research and listens to the marketplace; that’s what it takes to write a book that people want to buy. Her advice to other aspiring writers is to “always have your antennae up,” and listen to what people want to learn to do.
Susan’s Bonsai Tree from 1980
Susan was a teacher in San Francisco until she got laid off with about 1200 other teachers. By the time she was offered her job back, she was knee-deep in creating a Career Change Workshop for teachers. She turned down the offer, but recommended someone else for the job, who ended up being a perfect fit for the long term. As a thank-you, this teacher sent Susan a beautiful bonsai tree that she has cared for since 1980. It stands over 6 feet tall now, and Susan embraces her connection to this teacher every time she waters the tree.
What’s in a Network?
We each have many different networks. Sometimes they overlap and sometimes they remain separate. The most important network is the one with those special friends that you could call on in the middle of the night. If you don’t have a circle of friends, then all the networks in the world mean nothing. With today’s technology, there is no excuse to not stay in touch and deepen these relationships with live conversations that are vulnerable and open. Surround yourself with people who are generous, not just with money, but in spirit also. We need people in our lives who give their time, listen, and give positive feedback. “If we don’t make time for the people who count, we won’t have people who count.”
“I write my own tweets”
Many people have turned to automated services to send texts and social media posts. Is this REALLY the way you want to manage your interactions and relationships? Susan says, “I write my own tweets. I’ve written 8 books. Who’s going to write a better tweet than me?” It’s the human element behind the technology that makes the difference. “Don’t automate the humanity out of your tech support!”
When you should NOT say YES
We have many tools at our disposal, but do we understand the when, why, and how of using them? Susan uses advice from Gary Vaynerchuk in his book, Crush It. He writes about when something is “not in your DNA,” referring to when you have to say NO to a proposal or suggestion. Susan has had her share of those who want to connect with her, only to try to sell her something. She’s learned to explain her business model and passion but knows she can’t say YES to things that don’t resonate with her.
The Labels We Use: Introvert vs. Extrovert
It’s a topic you’ll see today in a lot of places: Networking for Introverts. What does it really mean to be an introvert? Or an extrovert? It all comes down to where you regenerate yourself, whether that’s in the middle of a crowd or in a solitary space. Susan’s recommendation is that we stop labeling each other and ourselves. “If we label, we disable.” We all have different styles and preferences that we shouldn’t be forced to wear labels about. Our relationships come down to the connective tissue that causes people to relate to us and helps them engage with us.
Episode Highlights:
2:56 — Learn how Susan RoAne wrote her bestseller How to Work a Room
5:53 — How to handle the pressure and keep moving on big dreams
7:00 — Market-testing her ideas as a speaker, always jotting down notes
8:15 — Super-connector mindset: Susan was a laid-off teacher who said NO, but referred someone else
11:13 — How to deepen your connections and vet your circle of friends
18:31 — Why it’s important to surround yourself with generous people
24:30 – Why you “can’t outsource your problems” to technology
26:29 — How to know if a solution to a problem will work for you
33:51 — Susan weighs in on some hot topics with radical candor
Resources mentioned:
- Crushing It!: How Great Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence-and How You Can, Too by Gary Vaynerchuk
- How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne
- When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel Pink
- www.susanroane.com
- www.howtoworkaroom.com
- Email Susan at [email protected]
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book for women?
- When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel Pink
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “Getting up early and watching the late night shows I have on my DVR. I like to start the day laughing.”
3. Best advice you’ve ever received and who gave it to you?
- Aunt Millie said, “When you reach this age, you know what’s worth your time and your worry.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
- Susan Diane Wojcicki, CEO of YouTube
5. One piece of advice you’d give your 5 years younger self?
- “When you get to this age, you know what’s worth your worry.”
