You’ve heard the old adage about quitting and winners. Guess what? Here’s the news flash: You can quit and still be a winner! No doubt you’ve experienced the negative stigma around quitting, yet we all know that there are times when we have to figure out what’s not working – and make the necessary changes. Today’s episode highlights how strategic quitting just may be your very best next step!
Dr. Lynn Marie Morski is a physician, attorney, speaker, author, and lifelong quitter. As the founder of Quitting by Design, Lynn Marie is on a mission to help women carve out a successful life through strategic quitting. Her new book, Quitting by Design, has just been published. In this episode, Dr. Morski passes on what she’s learned about strategic quitting through her experiences, including how to overcome fears and prepare logistics to ensure “the perfect quit.” She also tackles the stigma surrounding quitting while highlighting why quitting is actually the most undervalued self-care tool. Lynn Marie has experienced both sides of quitting and persevering, and can help listeners identify which of these paths might be best for them.
A born quitter
We don’t like to think of ourselves as people who need to become good at quitting, but we all know that we need to strategically consider what’s not working in our lives. Quitting is a powerful tool – a superpower, if you will – that doesn’t deserve its negative stigmatization. For Dr. Lynn Marie Morski, quitting is an innate skill that she honed very early in life, when she quit softball in 4th grade and said, “This isn’t going to work for me.” In high school, she chose classes that would be interesting and beneficial for her, not caring what the status quo or higher powers said she should take. In college, changing her major four times in her freshman year followed the same pattern. Practicing the skill of quitting helped Lynn Marie create the essence of who she is through her choices of what to quit and what to pursue.
Figuring it all out
Dr. Lynn Marie Morski started her career as a multimedia designer, even though she wanted to be a video editor. During graduate school, she realized that she needed to reimagine her life. Dating a urology resident, and quitting that relationship, motivated her to become a doctor in sports medicine. She then became a lawyer and an adjunct professor of law. Lynn Marie shares the story of how quitting ended up at the top of her list of things she was really good at.
The stigma of quitting
Quitting never has a positive image attached to it, but Dr. Lynn Marie Morski is on a mission to change that! Even the way we as a society react to women quitting vs. men quitting shows a stigma. No one judges a startup founder who might see the need to pivot, which means quitting in one direction and going in another, but we judge someone who quits. Many phrases we say have led to the stigma and given quitting a bad rap. Maybe our children would be better people if we allow them the self-awareness to quit those things that aren’t working for them.
How to know when to quit
Look at how many physical symptoms can be caused from chronic stress and discord: anxiety, insomnia, irritable bowel, acid reflux, migraines, and chronic pain. Your mind has a negative bias and is not your ally, but your body is your friend and will tell it like it is. Dr. Lynn Marie Morski says to listen to your body’s whispers, the sense of unease, and those little nagging feelings. Listen before things escalate. Your body will flare up when things aren’t in alignment, so we need to always have the strategic framework of quitting in place.
Tune in to your instincts
Characteristically, men don’t feel and notice emotions as much as women do, so they don’t tune in the same way. Down through history, men have had to be the decision-makers and women have been more empathetic and nurturing. Gender roles in society have changed, and certainly, many men and women don’t fit those stereotypes, but the bottom line is that we all need to tune in to our instincts.
No shame in quitting
Pivots are part of life. Quitting is just a series of little pivots, as we figure out what’s not working for us. Many of us will ignore the symptoms and just muscle through, when they need to figure out what they need to quit and not worry about the shame. It is often terrifying to stop and listen and realize that quitting is the key, but it’s part of being a real human being.
Quitting capoeira
Dr. Lynn Marie Morski invested many years in training in the Brazilian martial art capoeira. It’s very demanding and requires many levels of advancement in training. She finally realized that much of her commitment was to please her teachers, and not because she wanted to do it. She decided she was done putting in 2-3 hour classes 7 days/week for all the wrong reasons, which were mainly to please the person running the studio, and never for her.
Why you might need to quit
For most people, by your late 20’s and early 30’s, you’re done proving to others that you’re an independent adult. You reach your 30’s and realize you aren’t happy. This is the point when the second wave hits and questions set in. You start to question all the things society told you that you wanted. For Lynn Marie, this came when she was co-founder of a health tech startup in CA and was burning the candle at both ends. She became more and more anxious and didn’t realize at first that the dream of the startup was the problem. It was a hard decision to make, because it greatly affected her co-founder, but she knew she couldn’t stay on the rollercoaster any longer.
Quitting to merge your talents and passions
Quitting is not the first step in the process. You start by quitting a limiting belief, a mindset, or a relationship. It’s like a sculptor who has to cut away all the parts that aren’t necessary in order to reveal the beauty that’s hidden underneath. We have to quit some things to reveal our true passion and talent. When you quit those things, then you see what’s left. Then you can figure out what’s not working to figure out what is working.
Highlights of the Episode:
- 5:02 – Creating who you are through your choices
- 6:34 – When quitting became her “thing”
- 14:29 – The stigma around quitting
- 19:13 – How to know when to quit
- 21:43 – Listen to your body’s whispers
- 25:33 – Tuning in to make decisions
- 27:55 – No shame in quitting
- 31:36 – Why Lynn Marie quit capoeira
- 40:04 – Why most people will quit something in their 30’s
- 41:12 – A challenging quit
- 46:46 – Using quitting to merge multiple talents
- 53:12 – Fem Five
Resources Mentioned:
- Dr.Lynn Marie Morski
- Find Quitting by Design on Instagram and Facebook, and Lynn Marie’s Facebook group, Quitopia
- Quit Happens podcast
- Quitting by Design by Lynn Marie Morski, MD
- I’m Fine…..And Other Lies by Whitney Cummings
- You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book to recommend for women?
- I’m Fine. . . And Other Lies by Whitney Cummings and You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “Quitting – it’s the ultimate self-care hack!”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
- “My dad said, ‘Work for yourself and don’t spend your life doing what you don’t love’.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?
- “Take a week of doing nothing and reconsider some of your choices.”
Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
Harnessing Your Mind to Feed Your Strengths and Starve Your Weaknesses – with Mary Shores
Subscribe to the show on iTunes (Android here).
Thanks SO MUCH to everyone who took the time to write a review on iTunes! If you write a review this week, send a screenshot to [email protected] and we’ll give you a shout-out!
