Dr. Valerie Young is an internationally known speaker, confidence expert, and the author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of it. Dr. Valerie has been cited in the Wall Street Journal, Inc. Magazine, Chicago Tribune, and O Magazine, among many others. In this episode, Dr. Valerie and I discuss why imposter syndrome generally affects the best and brightest, how to stop explaining away your success and practice healthy humility, why imposter syndrome may be a form of arrogance, and immediately usable steps you can use to interrupt needless self-doubt and achieve greater career confidence.
Becoming the expert
How does one become the expert on imposter syndrome? As you might guess, it happens with experience. For Dr. Valerie Young, she was always interested in the “dust storm” of imposter syndrome that was kicked up around people. She noticed it when she was in her doctoral program at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, where her mother worked as a 2nd shift custodian. Valerie decided to shift her focus of study from topics surrounding racism to look broadly at the pattern of self-loathing she saw in women.
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is something that has been researched and written about across many different job sectors. It’s not a term for low self-esteem, but is an experience shared by millions of people around the world that, deep down, you’re not as bright, capable, qualified, and talented as others think you are. People with imposter syndrome chalk their achievements up to luck, timing, or computer error as ways of diminishing and explaining away successes and achievements.
The most common victims
Imposter syndrome affects any group of people where there are stereotypic attitudes about competence, including international students, first-generation professionals and college grads and many men. Environmental factors can affect imposter syndrome, and even situational factors where your experience is tested. The more people who look and sound like you or are in the same profession as you, the more confident you feel. It’s when you dare to do something different that you are tempted to second guess and doubt yourself.
The prevalence of imposter syndrome among entrepreneurs
Entrepreneurs always seem to ask, “Am I good enough?” and compare themselves to others. Being an entrepreneur takes a degree of competence and an attitude of risk because it all depends on you. There has to be a willingness to take risks and fail, but there is not as much shame associated with failure in the world of entrepreneurs. Imposter syndrome victims have exaggerated, unrealistic, and unsustainable expectations of themselves and their competence, which gets in the way of trying, experimenting, and failing.
The types of imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome can range from mild to debilitating, and there are different ways we categorize competence and experience shame around failure. Despite what most people think, imposter syndrome is not just limited to perfectionists. The “expert” will focus on the quantity of knowledge and information they have, but feel like they can never know enough to run their business successfully. The “soloist” defines confidence as an individual solo activity, so any help, mentoring, coaching, and tutoring feels like failure. The “natural genius” defines confidence in terms of how easily and speedily success comes, so anything that is difficult or takes time feels like failure. The “super” person expects to excel in every role they play in life–and feels like a failure when they don’t.
Shame and blame
It’s OK to be crushingly disappointed when you don’t succeed, but shame should only show up if you really didn’t try and put forth your best effort. Blaming yourself and beating yourself up shows shame. The antidote is to allow yourself to be entitled to make a mistake, have an off day, and be human – don’t let imposter syndrome kick in.
Advice for disrupting imposter syndrome
There will always be people who make you feel less. You can’t control what others think of you, but you can control your response. Remember that not everyone’s opinion of you matters. Valerie says, “Stop feeling like an imposter by stop thinking like one.” Most people want a magic pill that will change everything, but they don’t want to take the steps to change. Thinking different thoughts will effect the change. Try something new, adjust your thinking, and the feelings will come. Be willing to take constructive criticism, because people who aren’t feeling like imposters will welcome it in order to get better at what they do.
Curiosity and courage
Curiosity is underrated. If we were more curious as a society, then there would be less divisiveness and we would want to understand things better. You can learn a lot and increase opportunities when you are curious with the people you meet. People who aren’t curious are most often too focused on themselves. You can tell the difference between imposter syndrome and plain old resistance in your life by asking, “If I had all the confidence in the world, would I still be reluctant to do ______?”
Highlights of the Episode:
- 2:26 – A doctoral student and her custodian mom
- 4:44 – What is imposter syndrome?
- 7:14 – Why women and minorities are often affected by imposter syndrome
- 8:18 – How environmental factors might affect imposter syndrome
- 10:06 – Why entrepreneurs are susceptible to imposter syndrome
- 13:52 – Different types of imposter syndrome
- 17:42 – Shame and its antidote
- 24:55 – Advice for when someone tries to trigger imposter syndrome
- 29:26 – Disrupting imposter syndrome
- 34:17 – A readiness for feedback
- 35:44 – Curiosity and courage
- 38:51 – How to tell the difference between imposter syndrome and resistance
- 41:14 – Fem Five
Resources Mentioned:
- www.impostersyndrome.com/excerpt.pdf Find out how to get a free chapter of Dr. Valerie’s book!
- The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the IMPOSTER SYNDROME and How to Thrive in Spite of it by Valerie Young, Ed.D.
- The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book to recommend for women?
- The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “Putting on my sneakers so I’m in ‘walk mode’.”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
- “Bailey Jackson told me, ‘It’s our job to make it look easy, but it takes an incredible amount of work’.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
- “I don’t really have one.”
5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?
- “Take more time for yourself.”
Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
Bootstraping a Startup to Shake Up an Industry – with Sandy Connery and Jennifer Barcelos
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