What does it mean to be a mindful leader? I can promise that it doesn’t mean what you probably think it does. Today’s show will open your eyes and give you new perspective on finding your purpose, being a mindful leader, and much, much more.
Dr. Daphne Scott is the founder of DS Leadership Life. Her work specializes in creating mindful leaders and mindful organizations through programs that focus on positivity, creativity, and fun. Daphne draws on her unique background in improv theater and physical therapy to bring engaging embodiment and team-building elements to her work. In this episode, Daphne shares the five key relationships every leader must have to be successful, how to differentiate between the transformational and transactional elements of leadership, and how to design away overwhelm.
Finding her way to leadership development
Earlier in her career, Daphne was really good at physical therapy, but really horrible at leadership development. Because she was really great with patients, someone assumed she would be great at leading a team. This led to a valuable lesson: Being an individual contributor is a far cry from leading a team of people to get results. She realized that leaders with the proper skills are more likely to do better and accomplish more. She identifies three reasons she took this opportunity and ran with it: she wanted to enjoy her career, she wanted to share what works with others, and she has a natural desire to help people.
The power of curiosity
Daphne was working at the regional level when she was called out for sharing her opinions so openly at meetings. She took the approach that her superior cared enough to say something and be honest. She went on a journey to get feedback from co-workers, and she realized this skill of giving feedback was essential for leaders, but it was a blind spot that creates dysfunction on teams.
Becoming a mindful leader
There’s a distinction between mindfulness and meditation that many people confuse. Mindfulness is an umbrella term, and meditation is one tool of many to achieve mindfulness. Part of mindfulness is paying attention to your actual experience, and not adding anything to it. Living in day-to-day mindfulness means examining when you’re about to speak when something happens and you’re triggered. Daphne says to think of mindful as a verb, and then develop compassion and wisdom around it.
The most important skills
What is it that you value? What is your purpose? Where are you not in alignment? These questions can help you determine the transactional and transformational aspects of leadership. Daphne tells the story of one leader and how he dealt with stress, which was based on his family and childhood experiences, but it made his entire team ineffective. Besides professional skills, the human skills are what we really need. Asking, “What’s true right now” can help alleviate shame in your experiences as a leader.
5 Key Relationships for leaders
What is your relationship to time, money, friends, self, and uncertainty? These are the key relationships for leaders to consider. It’s a matter of fear vs. trust in how we relate to these key values in life. The key is how empowered we are around these factors and what issues we have around each one. Daphne discusses in detail the nuances of the relationships with friends, and explains why we need friends who lay it out straight for us, give us feedback, and hold our feet to the fire.
Design away overwhelm
How do we create overwhelm? It’s mainly because we create too many “should’s” for ourselves. We run into fear when we realize we have to say no and need to start asking for help. Successful people who get a lot done think that’s the way they have to do life, because that’s what made them successful. Daphne explains how we become the victim when we believe overwhelm is created by the external. The important question to ask is, “What do I really want?”
Finding balance between creativity and right
There is a benefit to structure and systems, but we have to balance out our inner wisdom as we take risks. Being right is believing that you know the future, but no one does. We have experiences and can make inferences, but we don’t know the future. Daphne explains this delicate balance that a mindful leader has to find.
Highlights of this episode:
- 2:03 – Why she took on this challenge and continued
- 3:41 – A quick story from Daphne
- 6:03 – How to handle feedback
- 8:38 – A mindful leader
- 12:43 – Developing key skills in being a mindful leader
- 18:10 – A story of a leader under stress
- 24:28 – The 5 Key Relationships for every leader
- 32:15 – How we relate differently to friendship
- 33:58 – How to design away overwhelm
- 40:58 – The balance between creativity and right
- 44:48 – Fem Five
Resources Mentioned:
- Daphne’s Website: www.daphne-scott.com
- www.daphne-scott.com/nextfem Find out how to get Daphne’s Feedback Toolkit, a free gift for NextFem listeners!
- The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book to recommend for women?
- The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “Making sure I wash my face at the end of every day.”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
- “My friend Diana told me to get in touch with my heart.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?
- “Don’t try so hard.”
Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
No Dumbing Down – with Karen Walker
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