Are you a smart, feminist woman who struggles with anxiety and inferiority? You are not alone. Listen to today’s conversation to learn more about how to claim your strength and identity as a strong woman in today’s world.
Kara Lowentheil is a Master Certified Coach who has a BA from Yale and a JD from Harvard Law. In her previous career as a women’s rights lawyer, Kara learned to think vigorously. She applies those same brilliant skills to her coaching, which is rooted in cognitive psychology, base techniques, and feminist theory. Kara works with women to overcome social conditioning that gets inside our brains to undermine confidence, happiness, and success. She does this, not through woo – woo divine feminine channeling, but through cognitive psychology, base techniques, and insights from feminist theory that lead to ridiculously rapid change.
Kara and her brand
Kara says your avatar doesn’t always fit demographic criteria. She always thought of her avatar as a collection of specific thought patterns from urban, educated, and high – achieving women to whom her coaching style would appeal. Her online coaching community is called The Clutch and is affordable and approachable to women all over the world from all different backgrounds. She calls herself the tough love coach who will also make you laugh.
Kara’s transition
Early on, Kara was coaching lawyers, but now she works with all kinds of women. The misperception is that corporations are where big money is for coaches. Still, Kara believes that the big seven-figure incomes come from publishing a best-selling book, speaking fees, or building a business that markets directly to your clients.
Social conditioning
Your brain has to be taught by the world around you. Social conditioning isn’t in the innate things we know, but what we learn from other people as we grow up. We are taught how to think and act and what to think about other people. We are taught what the standards of beauty are and who gets to be the smartest. We are taught whose opinion should matter most to us. These teachings come out in our thinking that we aren’t good enough at certain things. Kara teaches her clients how to identify those inferior thoughts and change them.
The thought ladder
How do you change your thinking? Kara says you have to practice new thoughts. You have to be trained to change your habits. She teaches the thought ladder, based on what your thoughts are now and what you want them to be. It takes small steps up the ladder to get where you want to be. You give emotional relief to your brain in ways that incentivize new thoughts as you practice them.
Big challenges
For Kara, one big challenge she’s faced is her body image. As a chronic dieter, she thought that her life would be perfect if she got to her ideal weight, where she would be happy with her body. She faced this challenge by stopping the dieting practices and actually learning to love her body the way it is not. It wasn’t a change that happened instantly, but it progressed in small steps as she practiced new thoughts. Overcoming perfectionism in her journey to become an entrepreneur took a lot of work with her thoughts.
Rewiring your brain
Rewiring your brain comes down to confidence in different forms as we overcome imposter syndrome. Women are taught to prioritize themselves last, and that everyone else’s thoughts and feelings are more important than theirs, which comes down to people-pleasing. Kara advises on dealing with invalidating environments where women are not fully supported. Most women deal with this at some point in life, and many face this challenge every day. It’s only when we feel that something is true that we feel criticized or judged.
Optimizing your brain
Something that you may think of as disempowering may be the thing that helps to optimize your brain. You might view an environment as unsupportive, but you can keep trying to share your ideas and opinions. Kara teaches that if people don’t respond to you, then you probably haven’t explained or presented your ideas well, and that is something you have the power to change.
Signs of a growth mindset
Having a growth mindset means we can’t be afraid of failure, because trying and failing is how we learn and grow. We have certain beliefs about our skills and potential being genetic, and that we should only attempt the things we already know that we can do well. This fixed mindset tells us that we will be embarrassed or humiliated if we try something new and fail. So, which mindset is it for you?
Dealing with big changes
There are periods of life when we have to do what we have to do to get through the day. Kara says that a narrative and big-picture view will not be as effective and useful as addressing specific concerns in helping us change and grow. Coaches need to realize that big-picture answers don’t help a client change in specific and measurable ways.
Highlights of this episode:
- 9:02 – What Kara thinks of herself and her brand
- 11:29 – The transition from early coaching to now
- 14:32 – Why social conditioning screws with feminists
- 17:51 – Kara’s technique to rewire brains
- 20:47 – Big challenges
- 25:09 – Interrupting thought patterns
- 26:36 – Rewiring the brain toward feminist values
- 33:29 – Optimizing the brain
- 41:50 – How you can recognize a growth mindset
- 45:32 – Dealing with big dreams and big changes
- 48:52 – Fem Five
Resources mentioned:
- Kara’s podcast: Unfuck Your Brain
- www.unfuckyourbrain.com Find out more about The Clutch.
- Get your free gift, Kara’s Confidence Cheat Sheet at www.unfuckyourbrain.com/nextfem
- “The Gifts of Imperfection
- The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene’ Brown
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book to recommend for women?
- The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene’ Brown
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “I do five minutes of thought work every day.”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
- “If you’re willing to feel any feeling, there is nothing you can’t do.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?
- “You can change your life so much faster than you think if you’re willing to take the risk and put in the work.”
Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
Spice Up Your Diet – with Nagina Abdullah
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