We are all familiar with what we think it means to be a leader, but being a compassionate leader might sound foreign. Today’s show is all about this concept, how it can be beneficial, and how it plays out in the workplace today.
Laurel Donellan is the founder of Compassionate Leaders Circle, where she’s been working with leaders to align the head and the heart for over 20 years. The foundation of her work is interesting and diverse; it’s informed by yoga, positive psychology, and a broad study of spiritual paths, including Native American traditions, rituals, and ceremonies. In addition to helping individuals and organizations become more compassionate, Laurel has authored several books, including Born to Do: The Practical Guide to Loving Your Work. She also writes a blog for Forbes.com called Compassionate Leadership, and she previously worked as an HR executive for a startup team that built and sold a company for $150 million. In this episode, Laurel and I discuss how to take a collaborative approach to creating and leading, why mindfulness, vulnerability, and compassion set the new paradigm for leadership, and how to pivot in your career with purpose.
An unusual journey
Laurel grew up with both her parents in a small town in NY – a small town that she couldn’t wait to get away from. She chased big city life by attending Cornell Hotel School, and from age 14-30, her entire life was about hospitality and hotel management. This exciting career allowed her to travel the world and meet many interesting people. Her last hotel job was as VP of HR for an international hotel company; this was the job she left to help people lead better lives and have happier careers.
Finding her purpose
For about ten years of Laure’s corporate career, she helped build a company that was sold, resulting in a huge payout. This allowed her the time to do spiritual adventures and contemplate what to do next. It was a Native American vision quest that helped her see that her “role in the world was to translate the ancient wisdom of the Lakota into something more palatable and digestible for contemporary people.”
The work of compassionate leadership
Compassionate leadership exists to shine a light on compassion, spread compassion, and create ripple effects. Laurel explains the 3 different programs and their significance. Pivot with Purpose comes after Laurel’s work over the last 20 years, understanding that many people suffer at their work. Using influence in a compassionate way stems from the privilege Laurel feels to have worked in leadership and executive positions. The concept of compassionate coaching revolves around the belief that coaches with compassion can help heal their clients. Laurel’s experience with writing workbooks and curriculum has helped her develop her expertise and gain wisdom for these programs that are soon expanding into work with youth, as well as with adults.
Therapeutic healing in coaching
In the role of coach, there are opportunities to take your own wisdom and bring it to your clients. A coach can give them tools that will prevent and alleviate suffering. Laurel’s work focuses on contemplative practices like singing, dancing, art, writing, yoga, etc. all brought in to aid the therapeutic healing process.
A new style of leadership
“The science has caught up with the sages.” Laurel uses this quote to explain how this new style of leadership would not have been accepted years ago, but today, it’s becoming accepted and even welcomed. Today, the research backs up that mindfulness and contemplative practices contribute to the value of coaching. An interesting side note is the rise in the numbers of women in leadership and their acceptance of a more holistic approach.
How organizations can foster or inhibit a culture of mindfulness
Technology is the biggest culprit in inhibiting mindfulness. As businesses, we expect our leaders to be available 24/7 and on weekends – with no down time. We’re creating generations of young people who are anxiety-ridden and willing to put every aspect of self care and wellness on the corporate altar. In contrast, organizations can foster mindfulness by turning back time and treating weekends as times not to do work. They can let employees know that the workday has an end and that people have families and other priorities. The starting place is for organizations to treat everyone like human beings and realize that work is not everything in life.
How individuals bring compassion
In our personal lives, we need to use compassion in areas of irritation. Laurel advises us to remember that the person who irritates us is also a human being. Slowing down, caring, and being in action can help. When you want to be reactive, breathe and slow down. Practice compassion and watch the slow process begin to take place as your relationships become infused with less irritation and more compassion.
Pivot with purpose
This pillar of Laurel’s program is about making changes from a deep and calm place, and not a reactive place. Pivots can feel chaotic, but they need to come from a very centered place. Laurel worked for over 20 years to develop this PWP program. She says it can be a “dream incubator” to review the past, figure out where you are in the present, and pull together a better future. Laurel shares how some difficult personal experiences and loss over recent years have fit into her work and helped her assemble her tribe of support.
Who has compassion?
Compassion is a quality that’s innate within certain people. Some people live charmed lives and haven’t experienced a lot of trauma, but can still have compassion. Some have had lots of trauma and are angry, and some are “wounded healers” who turn their trauma into a way to serve. The bottom line is that there are many different flavors of compassion and empathy. So what’s the difference between the two? Laurel defines empathy as the ability to feel and understand others’ feelings, and compassion as the ability to take those empathetic feelings and turn them into action.
Highlights of this episode:
- 3:22 – Purpose in the pivot from hospitality
- 6:30 – The work of compassionate leadership
- 9:05 – The three pillars of compassionate leadership
- 18:02 – Therapeutic healing in coaching
- 20:15 – Why organizations are finally talking about this new style of leadership
- 22:53 – How technology is distracting
- 26:10 – How organizations can foster or inhibit the mindfulness culture
- 31:43 – ”Fire all the workaholics!”
- 32:50 – Bringing individual compassion to work
- 37:55 – A snapshot of Pivot with Purpose
- 40:55 – How personal transitions fit into the work
- 45:35 – How we can be more compassionate
- 49:05 – Fem Five
Resources Mentioned:
- www.compassionateleaderscircle.com
- Visit www.nextfem.com to get Laurel’s free gift, The Career Reality Check
- The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff
The Fem Five:
1. Favorite book to recommend for women?
- The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “I recommitted to taking two days off each week and one week off every quarter.”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
“A man who fired me once told me to think of it as an opportunity to think about what I really wanted to do.”
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
- Eileen Fisher
5. One piece of advice you’d give your five years younger self?
- “Stay with your own work. Own it and claim it because it’s enough.”
Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
Good Workers Don’t Make Good Leaders – with Dr. Daphne Scott
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