My guest today is on a mission to show women how to stop being so “nice,” and start seeing results in their career. Dr. Lois Frankel is the author of New York Times bestseller, Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office among many others, and a much sought-after public speaker and consultant. Her life’s work is dedicated to changing the narrative around women in leadership by training up women to go after any opportunities they want in their industry. Lois is “The NextFem” because she brings powerful truth to you today that will change your life. Dreams are turning into realities when Dr. Frankel is at the helm.
Changing the Story You’ve Been Told
Lois began her executive coaching work primarily with men. She notices that most of her client came to work on the so-called “soft skills” of working cooperatively with others. She began to notice that these men were operating under a set of rules they had been taught as children and that men receive a different set of rules than women. Even with the vast cultural differences and changes that have happened in the world, men are given a set of rules that sets them up for individual success. Women are expected to serve and self-deny. Lois knew that if women were going to succeed in the corporate world, they were going to need to change the story they have always been told, and start operating under the same rules as the boys.
Out with the old and in with the new
Dr. Frankel’s work with women begins by identifying the places that old rules are playing out in their adult life. Many women struggle with a concept she calls “unconditional positive regard,” or the driving desire to be well-liked. There are many unconscious biases that lead women to self-sabotage their careers, all in the name of being “nice.” Women ask permission before acting, even if they know it to be in the best interest of their company. Women stay content doing “women’s tasks,” working with parameters that are near impossible. Once you know which tendencies you are falling into, (or where you are being the Nice Girl,) then the hard work begins to change those old habits into new plans of action.
Making Miracles
Dr. Frankel believes in the unique power of women to get things done. They make miracles. Even though we have all of this potential, we still have difficulty managing expectations, perceived and real. Lois identifies perfectionism, comparison, and a lack of preparation as the key ways that women can self-sabotage in the workplace. Where men decide and inform, women still feel the need to ask permission. Where men negotiate, women accept. Lois will show you how to stop making miracles for others and make the magic for yourself.
Know Your Message
Women often sacrifice our message and overall impact for the sake of likability. Lois knows that we have a lot to learn from the men in our industry, but that does not mean we have to let go of the “soft skills” that make women excellent executives. Our ability to connect, listen, and interact are precisely the skills that are going to give us the credibility we need to rise in our industries. It is time to own the unique brand that you are, bone up on your elevator pitch, and get ready to negotiate. It is time to stop playing “nice.”
Episode Highlights
• 1:00 – Dr. Lois shares how she got her start in women’s leadership.
• 6:00 – How Lois started noticing the different messages we get because of gender.
• 9:00 – How we can begin to develop new messages for “Nice Girls.”
• 15:00 – Examples of how likability is different for each gender.
• 19:00 – Top 3 reasons why women don’t get taken seriously.
• 30:00 – Take on more of what you are good at, volunteer and show up.
• 32:00 – Tackling perfectionism and comparison.
• 40:00 – You can train yourself to change and define what you want.
• 45:00 – Tips on how to go from a “Nice Girl” to a “Winning Woman”.
The Fem Five
1. Favorite book for women?
- Ageless Women, Timeless Wisdom by Dr. Lois Frankel
2. Favorite self-care hack?
- “It’s a little unusual—it’s Scrabble.”
3. Best piece of advice and who gave it to you?
- “You pay in advance for capacity.” Given to me by a small business advisor.
4. Female CEO or thought leader you’re into right now?
- “The late Mary Kay. The more I learn about her, the more I love her. She was brilliant and ahead of her time.”
5. One piece of advice you’d give your 5 years younger self?
- “Getting old isn’t for sissies, so prepare for it!”
Resources Mentioned
- Connect with Dr. Lois Frankel online
- Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Dr. Lois Frankel
- Email Dr. Lois Frankel to get your free gift: The Alphabet of Career Coaching
- Dr. Lois Frankel on LinkedIn
- Follow @DrLoisFrankel on Twitter
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Last Time on The NextFem Podcast
One Woman Disrupting the Cyber Security Industry – with Jessica Robinson
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