Have a Dating Strategy, but Don’t Play Games

Let’s play a word association game. I say first dates, you say…

Awkward
Clumsy
Unimportant
Overrated
Interview
Hard
No chemistry
Uncomfortable

Getting to a fun and intimate place with someone new is HARD.

And for many women, Dating Multiple People is a dark time that drives up some bad behaviors.

So let’s talk about a few strategies you can use to connect with men more easily — and why it is VITAL that you avoid playing games.

4 ridiculously underrated strategies for making meaningful connections with men

I recently stepped on a scale… and flipped out.

The numbers confirmed my worst fear: I’d gained weight.

Now, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew the reasons had to be simple: too much pizza, not enough vegetables, yada yada.

But that’s not how my brain works. Instead, I thought of 99 less obvious reasons that had to be culprits.

I need a new trainer. My supplements are off. I’m getting old…

See, we don’t like to focus on the fundamentals. Fundamentals are so simple and obvious that we can’t find ANY excuses for whatever malaise we’re experiencing.

So, I’d like to re-enroll you in fundamentals.

And when it comes to connecting with men in carefree, fun and meaningful ways, these are four of my favorites…

1. Get more rest

Anxiety. Depression. Grief. Stress.

What do all of these issues have in common? They’re all common side effects of fatigue (Source).

The thing is, tired is the new normal.

EVERYONE around us has bought into the same unhealthy lifestyles that make us tired. So we assume that something else is causing our problems.

If you’re not getting enough rest, consider whether some lifestyle tweaks might be in your future.

While it may sound counterintuitive to say that getting more rest will help you connect with men, consider this: that irritable, beat-down version of you might not be so pleasant to be around.

Get some rest. Your love life will thank you.

2. Get pampered

Sometimes sleep alone isn’t enough.

High-powered women are notoriously utilitarian (read: minimalist) in their personal care. Sure, they know a million tricks to make it seem like they’re getting a mani-pedi and hour blowout every morning, but who has time for that?

Here’s the thing: If you give a plant sun, water and nutrients, it grows. Same for you.

Get some proper pampering into your life and not only will you feel better, you’ll look better too.

3. In your spare time, focus on doing activities that bring out the best you

Let’s be real: No matter how committed you are to getting sleep and pampering, if you’re a busy, professional woman, you’re making some HARDCORE tradeoffs about what you do with your “free time”.

Now, I don’t know about you but I’d rather drag my fingernails across a chalkboard all night than go on a first date. One-on-one conversation with a stranger is decidedly NOT my forte.

So it shouldn’t surprise you that I met my hubs in another venue — leading a personal transformation workshop — an environment that makes me comfortable and showcases the best me.

Instead of dating the “normal” way, turn conventional wisdom on its head.

Ask yourself:

What activities bring out my best?
What spaces and places make me feel comfortable?

If you do a thorough brainstorm (this should be FUN), you’ll have a list of possibilities that you’d LOVE to try. Then, start to put them on your calendar.

I guarantee you’ll not only look forward to these opportunities to meet men, you’ll also connect with men who share your values, hobbies and lifestyle preferences.

4. To evaluate men and create intimacy faster, avoid playing games

Playing games is what happens when we don’t know how to interpret someone else’s words or behavior and there’s something at stake.

Now be under no illusions: this is every dating communication EVER.

See, we don’t want to screw with people. But we also feel like we can’t lay our chips on the table — we have to hold onto some leverage.

So we deliberately mix a little mystery into our communications.

Of course, we’re all confusing enough when we’re TRYING to be clear, so a little intentional mystery can really confuse things. And so the cycle begins.

The solution is: Don’t play games.

Every time you wait an extra day to reply to a message, every time you pretend you’re not free when you are to create scarcity, every time you pretend to be less interested than you are… you’re declaring to the Universe: This is not a safe and honest environment! Keep your guard up!

You’ll feel less safe. You’ll be less like yourself. He’ll feel it. He’ll feel less safe and sure of himself…

Like this, you’re actively working against your goal by reducing intimacy.

Instead, implement a zero tolerance policy for playing games.

Tell the truth. If he can’t handle it and insists on playing games, cut him loose.

First, master the fundamentals

Most people avoid fundamentals because they’re not willing to follow through on them.

It’s why fad diets, magic weight-loss pills and fitness equipment on the Shopping Channel will always be a thing.

Do you have the courage to simplify and go back to basics?

If you’re willing to get rested and pampered, to meet men in ways that bring out your best, and avoid playing games, I can promise you’ll meet better suitors and have more fun while you’re at it.

P.S. Digging the power of fundamentals? Then you’ll love my online Love Bootcamp, a completely free 14-day course that’ll teach you how to attract the right man by being yourself — without any games or gimmicks. Join the Love Bootcamp here — get it while it’s still free.

P.P.S. Let’s keep in touch on Facebook!

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ABOUT NEXTFEM

Hi, I’m Tara Padua, founder of NextFem. I help high-powered women master their relationships.

As a professional executive coach since 2003, I’ve accrued more than 7,000 client-coaching hours working with 400+ female leaders at organizations like Condé Nast, Cartier, Deutsche Bank, Diesel, Louis Vuitton, Siemens and many, many more.

Healthy relationships are the foundation of a life that works, and my life experiences have fueled my mission to help women get the love they deserve.